Is It Okay to Go to Bed Angry?

We have all heard the conventional phrase “never go to bed angry” before. But is it really that bad? Anger is a natural emotion, and we all experience it at one time or another point in our lives. However, allowing anger to linger for too long can lead to negative consequences on our minds and bodies.

Today, we will delve deeper into the science behind anger and its effects on us. We will answer the age-old question: Should you go to bed angry? We’ve broken down the pros and cons of resolving conflicts before sleeping and sleeping them off. Lastly, we’ve suggested a few alternatives to consider when dealing with anger in your relationship.

Understanding Anger

Anger is one of the most difficult emotions to articulate clearly. It can arise from a variety of sources, such as frustration, fear, or injustice.

According to The Guardian, Anger is an element of our reactionary instinct to remain safe from possible threats, to compete for resources and to enforce social norms. Anger is rooted in our reward circuit of the brain. While it’s natural to feel angry at times, it’s crucial to express it in a healthy way.

Effectively expressing anger can lead to improved relationships and better conflict-resolution skills. Conversely, ignoring or suppressing anger can have negative long-term consequences on both mental and physical health. Understanding the causes and effects of anger is an essential step towards learning how to manage it effectively.

Why Do We Get Angry?

Why do we get angry? It’s a question that has puzzled scientists, psychologists, and philosophers for centuries. We’ve all experienced anger at some point in our lives – whether it’s getting cut off in traffic or feeling frustrated with a loved one. But why does this emotion seem to take over us so easily?

One theory suggests that anger is an evolutionary response designed to protect ourselves from harm. When faced with a threat, our bodies release adrenaline and other stress hormones that help us fight back or flee the situation. Anger can be seen as an extension of this survival instinct – a way to confront obstacles or challenges head-on.

Another perspective is that anger may stem from unmet expectations or desires. When things don’t go the way we want them to, we can feel like we’ve lost control – which in turn triggers feelings of frustration, disappointment, and resentment.

Does Anger Have an Impact on the Mind and the Body?

Experiencing anger can have diverse effects on the mind and body. While it is a natural emotion, uncontrolled and suppressed anger can lead to negative consequences for mental and physical well-being. Physically, anger elevates heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones in the body. This can lead to long-term health concerns like heart disease, stroke, or weakened immunity.

Mentally, anger causes negative thinking patterns, increased anxiety, and difficulty concentrating. Suppressing or denying anger can also cause further damage in the long run, as it leads to resentment and relationship problems. Therefore, it is essential to find healthy ways of expressing and managing anger that aligns with individual needs and values.

Should You Go to Bed Angry?

Should You Go to Bed Angry?

Going to bed angry can have a significant impact on your well-being. When we’re upset, it’s natural to want to resolve the issue as soon as possible, but going to bed without resolving the conflict can lead to a restless night’s sleep and lingering negative feelings the next day.

Studies show that unresolved conflicts before bed can cause decreased quality of sleep, leading to issues such as higher stress levels and increased risk of depression. It’s essential to prioritize resolving conflicts before going to bed for optimal physical and mental health.

On the other hand, it is ok to go to bed angry with something in mind, like turning toward each other’s habits. According to Gottman, By developing a habit of turning to each other throughout our daily lives, we feel less anxious about approaching an unresolved conflict. This accumulated goodwill lays the groundwork for lesser fear and uncertainty in our relationship to feel that every little thing will be okay.

Pros and Cons of Resolving Conflicts Before Bedtime

Resolving conflicts before bed can have both positive and negative outcomes. On the one hand, it allows couples to avoid going to bed angry and possibly harboring negative emotions that can spill over into the next day. This can lead to better sleep quality and a clearer mind in the next morning.

However, on the other hand, trying to resolve conflicts when emotions are high can lead to ineffective communication and potentially escalate the situation further. It’s important to assess whether or not you’re in the right headspace for conflict resolution before attempting it.

Sometimes, taking a break from an argument and revisiting it with a clear head in the morning may be a better option. Ultimately, everyone needs to determine what makes the most sense for them and their relationship.

What Should You Do Instead?

When facing conflicts in a relationship, it can be challenging to determine the best course of action before going to bed. Instead of letting negative emotions fester overnight, there are several steps you can take to resolve the issue.

1. Communicating Effectively Before Bed

Maintaining a strong and healthy relationship requires effective communication, especially when resolving conflicts before going to bed. Active listening, empathizing with your partner’s perspective, and expressing your own feelings calmly and clearly can go a long way in avoiding misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

2. Taking a Time-Out and Revisiting the Disagreement

When emotions are running high, it can be challenging to have a productive conversation about the issue at hand. Taking a time-out to calm down and clear your mind can help you approach the situation with a renewed perspective.

During this break, engage in activities that help you relax and de-stress, such as taking a walk or listening to music. Once you feel calm enough, set a specific time to revisit the issue with your partner. Make sure that both parties are ready to have a productive conversation and focus on finding solutions that work for everyone involved.

Remember to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements when expressing your feelings, and avoid blaming or attacking the other person.

3. Talking to a Couples Therapist or Counselor

Talking to a Couples Therapist or Counselor

When conflicts become too difficult to resolve on your own, it may be necessary to seek outside support. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide a neutral and safe space to work through issues. A trained professional can offer tools for effective communication and help identify underlying issues that contribute to conflicts.

Couples therapy is an option that can improve relationship satisfaction and decrease the likelihood of future conflicts. It’s essential to find a therapist who is trained in couples therapy and has prior experience working with similar and bigger issues. Seeking outside support can be an important step towards resolving conflicts in a healthy way.

4. Getting Input from Friends and Family

Sometimes, it can be challenging to work through conflicts with the people closest to us. When we’re feeling upset or frustrated, it can be beneficial to get input from friends and family who we trust. They can provide a fresh perspective on the situation and offer support and guidance as we navigate our emotions.

However, it’s important to choose someone who will listen without judgment and offer constructive advice. Ultimately, the decision to forgive or resolve the bigger issue is up to you, but having a supportive network can make all the difference in finding a resolution that works for everyone involved.


Is there any more effective way to handle your anger than to push it aside until tomorrow?

Anger is a natural human emotion, and it’s important to find healthy ways to manage it rather than simply pushing it aside. One effective way to manage anger is through mindfulness practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. These techniques can help you become more aware of your emotions and physical sensations, allowing you to respond to your anger in a more constructive way.

Another approach is to explore the root causes of your anger and work on addressing them directly, whether that means seeking therapy or talking things out with a trusted friend or family member.

It’s also important to practice self-care and prioritize activities that bring you joy and relaxation, as these can help reduce feelings of stress and frustration that can contribute to angry outbursts. Remember, managing anger takes time and effort, but with patience and persistence, you can learn healthier ways to cope with this powerful emotion.


While it may be tempting to go to bed angry or avoid resolving conflicts before bed, it is not the most optimal solution. Holding onto negative emotions can have a detrimental effect on both your mind and body. Instead, try to communicate effectively and take a time-out if needed before revisiting the issue.

Seeking outside support from a therapist or counselor can also be beneficial in managing anger and conflict resolution. Remember, it’s okay to feel angry, but how you handle those emotions is what matters. If you or someone you know needs help managing anger, reach out for support.

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